Our New Short Film! Feedback and Critique Needed!

Hey everyone! I'm really interested to hear your opinions and critiques on my latest short film. As long as it's not straight up negativity, go for it. I know I sound crazy, but when it comes to filmmaking I like to be told what I should do better next time. 

https://youtu.be/jJtoYur0hdM

I will admit that this is not the best I could have done, but I was really impressed with how the visuals turned out even though we didn't have much prep time. 

Also, I know it's way overdone, but if you enjoyed the short film feel free to subscribe to our channel. Thanks guys! 

Comments

  • edited March 12

    Hey everyone! I'm really interested to hear your opinions and critiques on my latest short film. As long as it's not straight up negativity, go for it. I know I sound crazy, but when it comes to filmmaking I like to be told what I should do better next time. 

    I will admit that this is not the best I could have done, but I was really impressed with how the visuals turned out even though we didn't have much prep time. 

    Also, I know it's way overdone, but if you enjoyed the short film feel free to subscribe to our channel. Thanks guys! 

    https://youtu.be/jJtoYur0hdM

  • Triem23Triem23 Moderator

    Ok, visually, yes, you should be very proud. There is some very nice use of angle here, and the shallow DoF shot of the big discovery is really particularly effective. 

    Editing, every cuts nicely and flows. The ending is genuinely brutal and disturbing. Only one edit stood out. After searching the bedroom you can let that door closing sound overflow to the next shot. You can even adda bit of reverb... That would make it a bit more ominous.

    Script and acting. Story is good. A couple of the transitions a bit abrupt. Like "Hey, you heard about Ian?" Getting a smooth flow into back story is tricky, so this is just something that will naturally improve as you continue to create films. Still, one possible different approach is...

    (after house is cleared) 

    "Man, this would be easier if Ian were here."

    "Yeah. What happened to him, anyway?"

    "You hadn't heard? So, nine days ago..." 

    Good film. Enough to hook me in for the whole story, and give a response. :) On to your next! 

  • @Triem23 Thank you! That's true, I'll look over that more carefully next time, I'm still trying to kill the clunky part of exposition haha. Glad you liked it!   

  • Triem23Triem23 Moderator

    Note. I've combined both threads for this film and moved it to the user gallery. I get a little OCD on multiple threads for the same thing. We'll treat this as a bump. :) 

  • Nice work! Lots to like about this.  @Triem23 hit most of my critique notes. Just a couple to add...

    Audio:  When the music gets loud in a few places (both beginning and end, and one spot in the middle), there are brief moments of clipping.  These stood out pretty clearly to me in my headphones.

    Edit: There's a shot at 1:01 where the dude with the beanie is going down a hallway, then turns to his right.  Two shots later, he's doing the exact same thing in the same hallway, only the camera is pushed in a hair tighter.  Not sure if you meant to make it look like a different hall via the push in, or if was an editing accident, but it stood out to me during the first viewing as a repeat.

    This is a really strong piece.  Keep it up!

  • @Triem23 Yeah, I posted it in the filmmaking category because didn't know if I had published it to the right category to begin with, my bad on that :)

    @jsbarrett Thanks for the feedback! I'll have to edit with headphones on next time to make sure that kind of clipping doesn't happen again.

    As far as the shot at 1:01 goes. There are two doors in that hallway, he enters one then there is a cut, then the next cut is back to the same hallway but he just moves up to the second room. I can see how that would look like a repeat though as the second shot only has one door in it instead of two. Thanks for that catch! 

       

  • @FusionFiveFilms Ah...gotcha.  Maybe it's the sharp angle of that right wall combined with the close proximity of the doorways that makes it feel like there's just one doorway instead of two, or perhaps the lighting.  For me, anyway, something is needed to make the two-door situation more clear.  Because I was watching him and just catching a peripheral view of the side of the frame where the doorways are, it wasn't clear that there were two rooms.

  • @FusionFiveFilms I've been looking forward to seeing more from you! I think the other guys in the thread hit on all the necessary points of critique. I really didn't see the ending coming and thoroughly enjoyed it! Nice use of camera work and fight choreography.

  • @OliThompson Thanks so much! Glad you liked it! 

  • @FusionFiveFilms - About the only things I could add to previous comments are 1) nice use of the fly sound when the fridge door opens and 2) excellent clobbering shots! Looked real to me. Ouch!

    Hope to see more from you in the future!

  • @StormyKnight Haha! I love fight scenes too much, thanks for the comment! 

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