ClatterOwls (25th Jun 2010 20:49)

@ Avenging Eagle. Thank you very much for taking your time to watch my short and give your views and opinions on what i can improve. You never really get much constructive critisism on videos so i really do appriciate it! I have always seen myself as a more technical person and script writing was and is my weak spot so i totally agree with you about your comments about the script and story. This was my first attempt at script writing and i spent more time on the production and post production as the college were marking the production and editing of the script. the freak line probably wasnt one of my best pieces of work:D! College/ A-levels never really give enough time to fully create a project. Funny you should say about the 180 rule. I did notice the few times when it was broken and kicked myself when i realised as i personally think the rule of thirds and the 180 rule are some of the more important rules as basics for filmmaking. Yea the music! When me and my Friend were making the music we said the same thing about how over the top it was. Although we decided to stick with it as we were again tight on production and again the project wasnt being assesed for the music. Again thanks for the constructive comments! college is all about learning from my mistakes and your advice is a big help on things i was aware and not aware of what i should imporve on! thanks!!!

Avenging Eagle (24th Jun 2010 17:30)

OK, ClatterOwls, I just watched your film and here's what I made of it: 'Teleport' is about a student who, as the title would suggest, can teleport. We see him test out his ability, and then go to college. Along the way, he has flashbacks of another guy (our villain) beating him up and basically persecuting him for his ability. Our hero (Alex) uses his ability to escape the villain, but is outsmarted by him when he teleports to a spot he is fond of and the villain is there waiting for him. The villain threatens Alex, who lashes out and knocks him unconscious. Alex then teleports away from the scene of the crime. Your characters, unfortunately, are somewhat one-dimensional. Alex is portrayed as a bit of a wimp and seems almost afraid of his ability. He does, however, show a bit more backbone when he lashes out at the villain. The villain is unfortunately not as good. This is, in part, made worse by the fact he keeps repeating the word 'freak' at every opportunity. Why does he think teleporting abilities make Alex a freak? I'd think that was pretty cool! He had no real motivation to stalk Alex for weeks and then confront him about his abilities; it's not like Alex ever did anything to him (or at least, we didn't see it). Oh, and I see you put him in a dark leather jacket to symbolise him being the evil one. A little stereotypical, but I've done that myself to some extent too in the past, so I'll give you some kudos for actually considering costume Your story is a little confusing, mainly because I didn't know why the villain was being such a bastard. I mean, come on, he pushed poor Alex down the stairs for, from what I could see, no real reason. There was a lack of conflict; Alex had the villain standing in his way at every opportunity, but Alex wasn't trying to reach anything; he had no goal. Perhaps his goal was to confront the villain, in which case he sort of succeeded but he still fled the scene afterwards, returning to his fearful self. He doesn't truly beat the villain, he just buys himself some time. Alex, as a character, doesn't really develop. Ok, enough about story, time for the technicals. Cinematography was probably the strongest part of this film. While nothing was noticably artificially lit, it worked fine. Most shots were framed well and there was some nice shots in college using a dolly and some pulling focus (though pulling back to Alex after the close up of the villain was unneccesary). Watch out in future on your 180-degree rule; there were a couple of times you broke it and I got confused for a split-second. Sound. well, the dialogue sounds fine, especially during the end scene, when you could see it was a windy day at your location. The major flaw here is your music, which is too grand and melodramatic for the scale of the story you are trying to tell. This is, afterall, about two guys in college. Perhaps my views are a little biased since I'm more a fan of minimalist music, but I feel the music was just too strong. Also, it didn't always match with the visuals. When alex arrives at college, the music builds to his confrontation with the villain (the stairs-pushing moment), but the cinematography doesn't particularly build tension. Effects. Not bad, though I reckon the actual teleportation effect could use some smoke or dust elements to make it more rich. I couldn't tell if this film was graded or not. I suspect there were a few contrast adjustments here and there, but overall, it wasn't heavy processed. I think it could have used it, only because the film didn't have a unique look and feel to it. The last point I'll make is sort of an editing one, but also another story-point. The beginning. Why did we need to see that clip twice? You were trying to create a circular narrative but it didn't quite work because we didn't learn anything new from seeing those few shots twice. I did exactly the same thing on my film 'Roulette'. It starts with a boy, who isn't fully revealed, trying to commit suicide with a revolver. At the end of the film, the sequence plays again, but this time we not only know WHO he is, but WHY he is doing it and, of course, we find out the OUTCOME. What did we see in the opening of this film? Well, there's our hero who has some ability that we can guess is telelportation due to the title of the film, and we have a villain who thinks he's a freak and is determined to tell the world about this. Seven minutes later, when this sequence is played again, nothing has changed; Alex is still Alex, and the villain hasn't really got a reason WHY he's doing what he does. We see the OUTCOME of course, but as I mentioned earlier, it is hardly a conclusion because Alex doesn't really stand up to the villain. I hope you don't feel I'm being too hard on you. I commend you for completing this project. I see it's a Final Major Project and working within the parameters of college can be tough. You probably had all sorts of time pressures, scheduling issues and other problems; it's the nature of doing films in college and Uni. There is definite promise here, but there are aspects that you should also consider improving. Obviously you don't need to tackle them all at once; I'd start with 'story' since that's the most important element. Well done on your film, I hope it gets a good mark! AE EDIT: I wanted to rate this 3.5 stars, but Fxhome doesn't let me so I'm going to have to give you 3 as opposed to 4. Your story, characters and music lose you the 2 stars out of 5.

ClatterOwls (23rd Jun 2010 09:17)

@fudge Dog. Thanks for the comment! really glad you mentioned that section! I wasnt quite sure hwo to go about doing that part to emphasize time passing but thats a really good idea i hadnt though about! next time i do a similar effect ill make sure i do that! thanks for the advice hope you liked the short. @Creative media production. thank you so much for the comments! glad you liked the film! i might attempt to make a second continuation at some point in the near future! thanks again!